There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
