i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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