It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
