She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
