It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
