If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
