i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
