Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
