Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
