"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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