what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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