We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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