Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
