I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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