A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
