How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
