Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
