"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
