wrigley field is MILF paradise
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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