dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
