Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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