I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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