I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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