Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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