I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
