is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
