you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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