The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
