Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
