So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize