community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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