You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
