JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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