i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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