I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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