But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
