I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Non-Jews are for practice
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
