At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
