Just fell off a train. Bad.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
whose ass print is on the piano?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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