someone get that fucking seahorse.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
