i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
