Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
