Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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