ADVERTISEMENT

• (315): View more from New York

  he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out

  (607): View more from New York

  what a beautiful fairy tale

  Fav 33 11291 1220

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

  Fav 47 989 3636

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (027): View more from

  I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge

  Fav 33 2435 3916

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

  Fav 111 12910 1902

  share tweet
  

• (985): View more from Louisiana

  when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

  Fav 9 2592 6923

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life

  Fav 15 1827 1001

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (207): View more from Maine

  Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.

  Fav 10 1938 1316

  share tweet
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.

  Fav 3 903 527

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump

  Fav 1 654 513

  share tweet
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.

  Fav 1 752 411

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die

  Fav 2 125 162

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+63): View more from

  I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something

  Fav 0 62 14

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?

  Fav 0 43 8

  share tweet
  

• (631): View more from New York

  it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type

  Fav 0 42 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (325): View more from Texas

  He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.

  Fav 0 82 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize