my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my shit smells like andre
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
