Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
