Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
