o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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