can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
