suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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