Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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