I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
