I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
