i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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