White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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