The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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