So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize