The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize