You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it hurts more in the daytime
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
