i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
