Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
