I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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