My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
