Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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