I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize