i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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