Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
