hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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